let's play dress-up, so we can pretend

I went to mass today. I always want to go, but then when I get there I feel like I am pretending. I put on church clothes and say the words and pretend to be a good Catholic girl. What's worse is I think everyone around me is pretending, too. No one is happy like they pretend to be in church. If they were, they wouldn't be there. Maybe people go to church because it offers them different things, whether it be a sense of belonging, or purpose, or whatever. Lately for me it's been a way for me to focus my attention on something besides the break-up, a fill for the space that I have in my life. Do I go because I think it brings me closer to God? Not really. After I get out of mass, I'm still doing the same things I've been doing, partying and cussing. I don't think you need an institution to worship. If I wanted God in my life, I think I could do it on my own. I think the act of going to church is a reassuring tradition to me that I've been doing since birth. If nothing else, it calms me. I don't know what it is for the rest of the congregation that sit in the pews. Does anyone listen to the words anymore, or is it merely tradition that still brings people to Catholic mass? It can't be the cantors, the music, the spirit of a Catholic mass, nor the boring priest in croc's. I can't take anyone seriously that wears crocs.

forget-me-nots, tequila shots

I forgot to write in my blog yesterday. Well, I did think about it at one point, when playing waterfall and we had to rhyme words with dog. Someone said blog and I remembered then, but it was too late. What is the punishment for not writing in the blog for a day? I say, forgive and forget, live and let live, and only the good die young.
Yesterday I went to the Fulton Street Farmer's Market with my mom. It is nice going places with mom because she buys me food, whereas I would simply not eat otherwise. She bought me a melon, corn, and blueberries. The Farmer's Market is one of the coolest things we've got around here, in my opinion. The farmer's make 100% of the profit, and it's not like the produce was shipped halfway across the country or world. It makes mefeel better about what I'm eating. I'm always impressed when I go there, even during the week, and there are a ton of people and vendors selling not only produce but honey, bread, and jewelry. My favorite is the Hungarian woman who makes pastries and sells them. Pretty delish.
Then, I ate at Wege this morning for brunch. The eggs taste like butter and my stomach hurts. So much for that.

imagination station

I am madly in love with Jean Jaques Rousseau. When sitting by a lake in Switzerland he had the realization that emotions are first- we feel before we think. By nature, human beings are born equal, and society is organized to deny this true nature.
How has this belief, though of some 3 centuries ago, affected our entire life as Americans? We have the idea that all men are created equal. We're still struggling, but are more advanced than other nations. Democracy isn't inevitable as may well believe and take for granted.
I feel it is important to be an artist. Studying art means not only studying English, but history and politics. We are all inter-related, and I don't think many others studying other disciplines see that.
I love Rousseau because you can trace him down the line and see how his thoughts influenced others, through history like the French Revolution and through English like the Romantics in England or the Transcendentalists in the U.S. He believed that one day the ideal world would exist.

The difference between myself and history majors or political science majors is that I believe change takes imagination. Nothing exists today that was not imagined.

I know nothing about politics

What bothers me about the current campaign for U.S. President are the ads produced by Obama attacking McCain and McCain attacking Obama. It is an illogical fallacy, ad hominem, to shift focus from the real issue and attack the personal qualities of an opponent instead. I understand that we do need to know the personal qualities of who we elect President, but I feel that this is a majority of what we hear, completely overlooking what is truly important: the policies of the candidates. It annoys me that what people will remember about the campaign is that McCain has ten houses and Obama was friends with a U.S. terrorist who bombed the Pentagon in the '70s. People will base their vote not on who they want, who is the most qualified, but which candidate they dislike the most.

(according to wikipedia: ad hominem consists of replying to an argument or factual claim by attacking or appealing to a characteristic or belief of the person making the argument or claim, rather than by addressing the substance of the argument or producing evidence against the claim.)

you were always on my mind

Today I had my first Snickers bar since Ireland. I was at Meijer and it was only $0.52, so I bought it. In Ireland, I would go across to Brian's every day and buy a Snickers bar for 0.95. Every day without fail. A Snickers bar and a coke. The Snickers bars here pale in comparison. Then, when I arrived at work, my boss told me that Joel had left a c.d. for me. I had to wait until I was shunned to the back room to wash all 14 airpots and every other possible item in the store before I could listen to it. It was Adele's c.d. and "bonus" songs... more Adele. A vivid scene in my mind is the first time I saw her "Chasing Pavements" music video. Jessie, Francine, and I were sitting in the Subway in Galway at about 9 p.m right before going out, enjoying tuna subs with corn. The next day, the worst hangover of my life, as we were walking around the city with nowhere to go, we bought Now 69 and her song was on it. That was my train of thought as I washed dishes for two hours. Everything reminds me of Ireland lately. It's haunting me.