waiting

why am I still waiting?

I guess because I don't know what I'm waiting for. So I continue to wait.

haiku

Decorate a tree
Expensive glass ornaments
(don't knock it over)

If your belly shakes
like a bowl full of jelly
go see a doctor

Write Santa letters
be materialistic
don’t ask for time bombs

Arctic conditions
make for excellent sledding,
run people over

Build deranged mutant
killer monster snowmen as
Calvin and Hobbes do

Eventually,
cold and wet will overcome
frolicking in snow

Enter the chamber
that is your preheated house
sit by the hearth fire

Sip slowly, savor
piping hot apple cider
with caramel. Sleep.



and then me:
Dashing through the snow
Sounds much nicer than trudging
Through the slush, so cold

A piece of coal will
Grace your stocking in the morn
if you hate Santa

Take out a loan for
The lovely Christmas presents
You buy for yourself

Magical reindeer
Are trampling your front yard
Ma, get the shot gun

Marshmallows melt in
Hot chocolate, so eat them fast
It will burn your mouth

Novels are best for
When sitting by the warm fire
They go up in flames

Pretty colored lights
make your electric bill rise
Go green this Christmas

Snow falls on cedars
and buries your car as well
Take the horse instead

Christmas movies are
Not made for weak of stomach
Have trash can ready

Up on the housetop
Snow piles seven feet high
And your roof falls in

gas

Today I had to go pay my $108.34 gas bill. In one month, we used that much gas. Especially during the wintertime, I can't imagine not being able to afford heat, or even a house, or clothes. Why is is only during the holidays people think about these things? Because it's cold outside? Because it's time to give gifts or this time to the poor? For some sort of self-gratification, explanation? I don't know. I just don't know.

It's times like these that I realize how much I have, how much I don't really need. Don't get me anything for Christmas.

scarves, scarfing down

I like all of my posts to have creative titles. As an English major, I like plays on words.

I am sporting a scarf I bought when I was in Poland. It is white, I chose it because I thought it was the most versatile. White matches everything, because it's not even a real color, right?

Anyway, it's interesting to me to see all the different types of scarves people wear. Claire has one she calls her busia scarf. Others have matching hat and scarf ensembles. Another way to express yourself.

This post is also to give props to Kirkbride for the delicious pierogies I just scarfed down in class.

My stomach is a little upset now, I don't think it was the pierogies, moreso just food in general has been making my insides churn. Not in a nauseaus way, so I'm not sure what the problem is. Anyway, the food was good, thanks a latte, as we say it in the coffee biz.

holding doors, chasing pavements

Lately I've been holding doors open for people. It's funny the reaction they have. Something so simple can really make a person smile. I don't mind doing it because at the worst it means for me standing in the cold for an extra second or two while the person walks through.

Unless it's a boy. I don't know what it is, but boys, especially the ones I know, do not like it when a girl holds a door open for them. They will stand in the cold, waiting for me to go through the door that I am holding open for them, while I tell them, please, go inside, I'm holding the door open for you. Some just refuse to do it.

Why? because it's not gentlemanlike? Then hold the door open for me, don't wait for me to walk through in front of you. I'm getting cold, you're getting cold, and moreover I'm getting annoyed. Are we that set in our ways that even though most boys don't hold the door open for girls anymore, they still won't go through a door that a girl is holding open for them? Does it make you feel less like a man, boys? Am I demasculating you? Sorr about it, get over it, and walk through the door to the 21st century, where it's okay for girls to open doors for boys, or strangers.

through the wilderness, somehow I made it through

That's how I feel about this semester. I made it through, don't know how. No, I don't have a rough life, but I lost someone very important to me before the year even started. The worst part is, he's still around, just not so much with me anymore.

We all have things to deal with like this. There will always be times we find ourselves missing someone when we don't expect it, and wondering why they're not there. I miss my best friend.

But I am grateful for all of my other friends. Without them, I am something, but without them I wouldn't be me. Without them, I don't know if I would have made it through the semester.


In other news, thank GOD the semester is over. That much closer to real life, that much closer to my biggest fear. No, my biggest fear is not dinosaurs. It's not zombies. It's not heights. It's THE REAL WORLD.

How will I survive the rest of my life?

beyond belief

Santa Claus exists, because without him, there would be no child like joy, no poetry.

It's important that we have something to believe in, whether it be Santa Claus, or anarchy, or love, or Vonnegut.

life changing, life changes

Because of certain life-changing experiences, life changes.

Studying abroad definitely did this for me. Maybe not for everyone. But for me. It changed my life. It changed not only who I am but what I plan to do when I get out of here, if I ever get out of here, and if things go to plan, which they most certainly will not because I am not one for planning and my dreams for life after Aquinas College are not really plans but more vague ideas.

"I wanted real adventures to happen to myself.
But real adventures, I reflected,
do not happen to people who remain at home:
They must be sought abroad."
-James Joyce

I want to travel. I will travel, rather it be with a job or on my own. I want to go places I've never been before. Yes, I do want to go back to Ireland, I love it there and I miss it every day. However, living to Ireland broadened my understanding of the way the world works. There is more than America. I'm not saying life in another country is any better or worse. It's different. I like different. I've been to Poland, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Ireland. There is SO MUCH MORE to see. So many places I want to experience. I don't want to be here forever.

Similarly, I want to live in another country, rather it be Europe working or another continent teaching or volunteering with some sort of organization. Maybe one day I will return to the U.S., but I have to say that if I don't make a life for myself in another country for at least a little while, I will be extremely disappointed.

I'm not too worried about getting married or having children. Procreation is not something I support at this point in my life, and I'm not sure if my opinion will ever change. I do not think this is selfish. However, when you have a child there are so many sacrifices that must be made. Is it worth it? I'm not so sure just yet.

Basically, I want to travel and continue to learn for the rest of my life. I want to experience new cultures, read and learn, meet new people. People are important because each one can teach you something about you. I will be a student for life, but not in an institution.

dino dna

For this issue of the Saint, I was assigned to write an article about Walking With Dinosaurs, a show coming to Van Andel. However, because the article was due last Friday and the show did not start until last night, I was to write a preview based on an interview with a PR rep for the show from Los Angeles.

I wish I had been able to write a review, but that's the thing with smaller newspapers that come out every two weeks... barely. Interesting article ideas usually aren't timely when the paper finally comes out.

Now, I love dinosaurs more than the next person, but if I had written this review, I would have included:
- the dialogue was cheesy at times and obviously written for a younger audience
- the 'paleontoligist' or rather the actor who portrayed a paleontologist was not...good
- much of it was anti-climactic because the dinosaurs couldn't actually attack each other.
- it was not as awesome as I anticipated
- I would not have paid $35, the minimum price of a ticket, to go see the show

Although I do love dinosaurs.

Luckily I got in for free.

clean

I just cleaned my bathroom. No one has cleaned it in months. I almost vom dot commed all over everything.

revisiting, revision

Though Romantics did not (techinically) believe in revision, but rather the spontanaeity of creation, an assignment for my Grammar class requires that I do so. I posted the original work a few weeks ago, and have since revised it:

Response # 7: Confirmation
After much deliberation, Jessie and I decided to attend Confirmation at the Tully Cross church. The day was April 2nd—the middle of the week—and the service was at 1:00 in the afternoon. There were plenty of reasons not to go: I had a cold, we needed to finish a literature response due that night, and Jessie is Protestant, to name a few.
Upon entering the church, we immediately felt out of place—it was obviously a family affair. Our friend Mark warned us to dress-up, so we at least had that going for us. The priest directed us to the balcony because the place was pretty jam-packed. The balcony was shady—I felt as though we had been shunned there. Only two pews were accessible; all the others were disorderly stacked in the alcove.
Mass began on time, which came as a shock to me. In my experience, Irish time is never on time. The Bishop attended, dressed in red, and I had unknowingly worn a red shirt, so we matched! Who knew matching the Bishop could make me more at ease. Music played throughout, unlike a normal mass. The "Our Father" was recited in Gaelic, and because I don't know any Gaelic I could not partake. This added to the uncomfortable, outcast feeling growing in my stomach.
After the anointing with oil and receiving of the Holy Spirit, the Bishop asked all of the children if they would like to take a vow abstaining from alcohol and drug usage. They were given the choice to decide how long they wished to keep the vow, and then asked to say a prayer. It was individual choice whether or not the vow was taken seriously. Afterward when I spoke with the children in my class at Eagle's Nest, they told me everyone had taken the vow, one student for as long as ten years and as another for as short as twenty minutes.
The out turn of the community amazed me. They take religion very seriously, which was evident by the community and family support. Principals in each school double as religion teachers. Every institution enforces the importance of religion. It is incorporated into all social aspects.
As a Catholic, I was confirmed when I was 14 years old. 3 years made up the difference between the Irish students who were being confirmed and the age I had been when I received the gift of the Holy Spirit. It was interesting to compare their Confirmation to mine; to see how traditions vary, even in the same religion.
After mass ended, Jessie and I walked down to the Credit Union for sandwiches, scones, and tea. To prepare the amount of food set out on the buffet-style tables had taken many church women. Few others were there when we arrived, but sure enough, after finishing my first egg-salad sandwich, the number of people had greatly increased and continued to do so. Jessie and I had chosen seats against the wall near the start of the food-line—we could not be missed or avoided. I saw several students from Eagle's Nest, but they did little to acknowledge me and even more to avoid me. Maybe it was paranoia, but we were definitely out of place and left shortly after consuming more scones and sandwich triangles (free food!). The deliciousness of the treats made up for the extreme awkwardness of the whole situation.
Later that day, after class, Cottage 8 went to the pub. As Tommy Sammon had foretold, it was very busy. Any excuse to drink, religious events no exception. Especially religious events. At the Renvyle, I crossed paths with Matthew, one of two redheads in my class at Eagle's Nest. I offered my congratulations and he offered me the sum of money he received as compensation for this oh-so-holy day. Sadly, I only wished he offered me the hefty amount of money his relatives showered him with. Instead, Matthew told me all of the purchases he planned to make: a Nintendo Wii and Playstation controllers among them. I guess it pays to have large families as the Irish do--literally. I offered him my very last euro if he would buy a Bible, but he repeatedly declined, much to my relief. No money flowed from my empty pockets as it did Matthews, and sadly no Confirmation or other Holy Sacrament is my near future, although it would be nice and help me to pay off my loans (if that gives you any idea about the sum of money Matthew pocketed that day).
In the end, I didn't have the courage or heart to pickpocket an 11-year-old, so I resorted to drinking half-drank drinks people had left behind and then sullenly returned to my cold cottage where there was no Nintendo Wii to greet me. Realistically, I think the money detracts from the whole religious experience. It devalues the day; kids are focused more on monetary gifts and not on the importance of the sacrament. But, who am I to judge? Only observe with mild contempt and jealousy.

snow-ski

Trudging through the slush does not sound as romantic as dashing through the snow, but it's what I've been doing the last few weeks, and it just keeps getting worse. Snow is always pretty at first then it turns brown and you can't eat it anymore.

miss-ing

I miss Ireland, I always will. I won't stop talking about it. I don't regret anything I did while I was there.

I had more fun than any of you. Cottage 8 did not have a problem. You did because you sat in your cottage and read books and kicked your roommates out when drunk instead of taking care of each other.

I will always be able to look back and remember Ireland as the best time of my life. I am still best friends with those girls and wouldn't trade my experience there for the world.

What about you?

end of the world

It's really not the end of the world, my life will go on and so will the Earth's. It's never the end of the world until one day it finally is.

It just feels like it sometimes.

Debbie Downer.

lazy

Earlier I was standing outside the library partaking in a certain addiction, when two people walked out of the library's doors. Let me just mention that these two people had no visible handicaps whatsoever, nor were their hands full of books. I look up from my contemplative state and saw that they had pressed not just one but two of the handicapped buttons, opening the doors for their lazy asses. OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOURSELVES, FOR GOSH SAKE. It's not that difficult, we've been doing it since birth basically, not that hard, just pull and walk through.

ok. rant for the day. sorry bout it.

some more truths

I ate a box of raisinettes for dinner.
Grammar is not something I understand.
I waited until 6 p.m. to start a research paper I knew was due all semester.
My car is not safe to drive in winter.
I own a pair of suede boots.

I am praying for a snow day.
Period.

Reflections on truths
Something is wrong with this picture
We do not get along
I am a horrible procrastinator
I will have to walk everywhere in the snow
Suede? What was I thinking??

Conclusion of truths
Idiot, I am, or tend to be.