revisiting, revision

Though Romantics did not (techinically) believe in revision, but rather the spontanaeity of creation, an assignment for my Grammar class requires that I do so. I posted the original work a few weeks ago, and have since revised it:

Response # 7: Confirmation
After much deliberation, Jessie and I decided to attend Confirmation at the Tully Cross church. The day was April 2nd—the middle of the week—and the service was at 1:00 in the afternoon. There were plenty of reasons not to go: I had a cold, we needed to finish a literature response due that night, and Jessie is Protestant, to name a few.
Upon entering the church, we immediately felt out of place—it was obviously a family affair. Our friend Mark warned us to dress-up, so we at least had that going for us. The priest directed us to the balcony because the place was pretty jam-packed. The balcony was shady—I felt as though we had been shunned there. Only two pews were accessible; all the others were disorderly stacked in the alcove.
Mass began on time, which came as a shock to me. In my experience, Irish time is never on time. The Bishop attended, dressed in red, and I had unknowingly worn a red shirt, so we matched! Who knew matching the Bishop could make me more at ease. Music played throughout, unlike a normal mass. The "Our Father" was recited in Gaelic, and because I don't know any Gaelic I could not partake. This added to the uncomfortable, outcast feeling growing in my stomach.
After the anointing with oil and receiving of the Holy Spirit, the Bishop asked all of the children if they would like to take a vow abstaining from alcohol and drug usage. They were given the choice to decide how long they wished to keep the vow, and then asked to say a prayer. It was individual choice whether or not the vow was taken seriously. Afterward when I spoke with the children in my class at Eagle's Nest, they told me everyone had taken the vow, one student for as long as ten years and as another for as short as twenty minutes.
The out turn of the community amazed me. They take religion very seriously, which was evident by the community and family support. Principals in each school double as religion teachers. Every institution enforces the importance of religion. It is incorporated into all social aspects.
As a Catholic, I was confirmed when I was 14 years old. 3 years made up the difference between the Irish students who were being confirmed and the age I had been when I received the gift of the Holy Spirit. It was interesting to compare their Confirmation to mine; to see how traditions vary, even in the same religion.
After mass ended, Jessie and I walked down to the Credit Union for sandwiches, scones, and tea. To prepare the amount of food set out on the buffet-style tables had taken many church women. Few others were there when we arrived, but sure enough, after finishing my first egg-salad sandwich, the number of people had greatly increased and continued to do so. Jessie and I had chosen seats against the wall near the start of the food-line—we could not be missed or avoided. I saw several students from Eagle's Nest, but they did little to acknowledge me and even more to avoid me. Maybe it was paranoia, but we were definitely out of place and left shortly after consuming more scones and sandwich triangles (free food!). The deliciousness of the treats made up for the extreme awkwardness of the whole situation.
Later that day, after class, Cottage 8 went to the pub. As Tommy Sammon had foretold, it was very busy. Any excuse to drink, religious events no exception. Especially religious events. At the Renvyle, I crossed paths with Matthew, one of two redheads in my class at Eagle's Nest. I offered my congratulations and he offered me the sum of money he received as compensation for this oh-so-holy day. Sadly, I only wished he offered me the hefty amount of money his relatives showered him with. Instead, Matthew told me all of the purchases he planned to make: a Nintendo Wii and Playstation controllers among them. I guess it pays to have large families as the Irish do--literally. I offered him my very last euro if he would buy a Bible, but he repeatedly declined, much to my relief. No money flowed from my empty pockets as it did Matthews, and sadly no Confirmation or other Holy Sacrament is my near future, although it would be nice and help me to pay off my loans (if that gives you any idea about the sum of money Matthew pocketed that day).
In the end, I didn't have the courage or heart to pickpocket an 11-year-old, so I resorted to drinking half-drank drinks people had left behind and then sullenly returned to my cold cottage where there was no Nintendo Wii to greet me. Realistically, I think the money detracts from the whole religious experience. It devalues the day; kids are focused more on monetary gifts and not on the importance of the sacrament. But, who am I to judge? Only observe with mild contempt and jealousy.