haiku

Decorate a tree
Expensive glass ornaments
(don't knock it over)

If your belly shakes
like a bowl full of jelly
go see a doctor

Write Santa letters
be materialistic
don’t ask for time bombs

Arctic conditions
make for excellent sledding,
run people over

Build deranged mutant
killer monster snowmen as
Calvin and Hobbes do

Eventually,
cold and wet will overcome
frolicking in snow

Enter the chamber
that is your preheated house
sit by the hearth fire

Sip slowly, savor
piping hot apple cider
with caramel. Sleep.



and then me:
Dashing through the snow
Sounds much nicer than trudging
Through the slush, so cold

A piece of coal will
Grace your stocking in the morn
if you hate Santa

Take out a loan for
The lovely Christmas presents
You buy for yourself

Magical reindeer
Are trampling your front yard
Ma, get the shot gun

Marshmallows melt in
Hot chocolate, so eat them fast
It will burn your mouth

Novels are best for
When sitting by the warm fire
They go up in flames

Pretty colored lights
make your electric bill rise
Go green this Christmas

Snow falls on cedars
and buries your car as well
Take the horse instead

Christmas movies are
Not made for weak of stomach
Have trash can ready

Up on the housetop
Snow piles seven feet high
And your roof falls in